martin ivison >>
white male, blue eyes, brown hair
80 kg, 181cm
with one child
a scattered family >>
a former life in music >>
a fondness for alphabet soup >>
and continuing aspirations



20111118, White Sands, NM


"I miss being in love. I'm content when I'm at work, or with John, when I write, and when I climb. In between, in the cracks, things can get a little darker, but perhaps that's the nature of being in your mid-forties, whether you've done everything right, wrong, or you where on the drunken path between the two. I really think that's it - that it's next to impossible to feel a deep sense of contentment at this age. It's a time of re-evaluation, the weighing and testing of one's plans and accomplishments, the panic looking at one's misses; it's the experience of mortality as we head into the back nine and people die around us; it's the weight of responsibility at its maximum with the full hand-over of the baton, kids and ownership, career and old age looming, parents diminishing. Perhaps there should be a certain enjoyment of this stage, like an enjoyment of every curve and dip in the roller-coaster, even the slow, introspective parts, the parts that seem to say to you, "you get can off here, if you want; be on some other, faster, better ride" (an illusion; I'll never forget the new ride at Münster's bi-annual fair that announced itself in large letters as "you control self"; it had levers that made you go up and down and sideways while being of course full and inexorably attached to the main)."
(From Journal, 20110923)



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